Artificial Heartbeat???

     Today I watched a movie, after the encouragement of a friend who found it interesting. The movie is called "Repo Men". The story shortly is about a company which "sells" artificial limbs and organs to people who need them, whilst when those "clients" are not able to afford the send their "Repo Men" to repossess those organs for the company. The story evolves such a "Repo Man" who becomes the prey of the company when he gets a transplanted artificial heart after a heart attack while being on duty. I am not writing this post to criticize the movie (I am not a movie reviewer, I only watch them for fun), nor am I doing it to talk about the ethics that arise from such movies (cause if our society someday ends up saving lives of people for the sake of money, and then repossessing that life given, then we are doomed to lose the very thing that our species is named after..Humanity). I had another strange idea while watching this movie. I put myself into the shoes of the protagonist, thinking myself living with an artificial heart. Would my life be different??

     Scientists for many decades have been trying to simulate the way the human heart functions. And it's been a long term obligation for them to create a fully operational artificial human heart. Many steps have been made. And the past years surely have been a breakthrough towards this direction. There have been created hearts entirely made of mechanical parts. Most of them (and it has been a very successful application) are being used as aids for those who have heart conditions. Others have been temporal aids to help a person who undertakes a surgery stay alive along the way of the long hours of the surgery. And the latest innovation has been creating "live" hearts from real tissues of animals. The goal itself is probably the noblest of all. To use technology and science to create a heart which could save a human life is nothing less than a divine deed. I am no scientist, no doctor or surgeon. But I am thinking of something that I don't know if any of them has ever thought about. It would be astonishing to be able to recreate other organs (such as livers or kidneys) for people who need a transplant. But can an artificial heart fully replace a human heart??


     Has anyone of you ever been chased by ravenous dogs?When in danger the heart doubles or triples the rate of the beats, pumping more blood to the organs that need it. Has anyone of you ever been involved in a serious car accident or witnessed such? After the crash there is a weird silence and the only thing that is alive and can be heard is the heart beating fast. Has anyone of you ever come face to face with the love of your life, with your soulmate? The heartbeat explodes to outrageous rates, making it almost a full body experience. Every single beat can be felt all over the body, and you can even actually listen to the heart beating even in the most noisy places. For many years I was being rational, believing that the mind was the place of every cognition of the human soul. I believed that the heart was only a tool, a pump which would circulate blood around the body. But the heart is alive. It breathes. It feels. I can tell stories. It can feel pain and joy. To be true there is no scientific proof, why the heart beats faster (or slower) according to the conditions that happen outside the body. And it is also true that you can lay relaxed on your bed and only a single thought or feeling can erupt and make your heart go beating like a steam engine at full speed. I believe like many of the urban legends and poets do, that the center of a human existence is the heart. The only muscle that can think and order. The heart does have a mind of it's own. It works abruptly and independently. Spontaneously and incompatibly sometimes. Cause the heart does have other rules, way different and more complicated than the ones of the mind. In a way, it craves for self preservation. And I know that sometimes the heart even feels lonely. It wants to be heard, it wants to be noticed. So it gives out signs of life. It creates circumstances. It's when we have that belief of something changing, the belief of something's happening but we just can put our finger on and say what it really is. It's the heart which talks to us in an "alien" language, which we can vaguely understand but immensely feel. And surely the brain and the heart speak that language too, and that's why sometimes they coordinate. But this happens only sometimes. Cause it's also true that sometimes the heart desires, and the mind rationalizes...and in between there is a huge conflict which could tear a human being apart. We choose accordingly to what we are. Others listen to the heart other the reason dictated by the brain. And that's what really makes us human beings.

     Taking into account all the previous and many many more "eccentricities" of the heart, how could we ever replicate the full functionality of a real human heart into a lab. Surely (and that's an incredibly great thing to do) we can extend the life span of people with heart conditions. And we can give them even years of life with a transplant of an artificial heart. But even if those hearts could ever be imbued with a chip, and the most sophisticated algorithm of the world, they would NEVER be able to simulate a real alive thinking human heart.  Maybe we can alter the curse of nature, and help people stay alive with human-made hearts, but can we make them work in so many levels as the "flesh" ones? We'll just have to wait and see where science can take it....

Angels..

     I know I will probably be called irrational with what I am going to say. But the truth is that being irrational doesn't necessarily mean that you are insane or wrong. I believe in Angels. I believe that angels exist. Not only they exist but they walk among us. It's a predicament way beyond the reason and the "normality" of the world we see with our eyes. Obviously. Cause what the eyes see is also what the eyes believe. And if someone pokes your eyes you become blind. But what the soul feels can't be blinded. Cause the soul does not listen with the ears nor sees with the eyes. 

     What would an angel like like I wonder? The truth is I don't know. It's only speculations I can make. You see,  an angel can be your dog, who is biting your trousers in search of attention and finally renders you late 5 seconds, as much as it takes to avoid a dreadful car crash, and saves your life (personal experience). An angel could be a traffic light which suddenly turns red, and while waiting you meet the love of your life. An angel could be a dream which prevents you from doing something wrong later that day. An angel could be your horoscope, a deja vu, a gasp of wind or a headline in the newspaper. If it is a small one we call it luck. If it is a big one we call it miracle. Whatever the name it's part of our lives. It is strangely said. But there surely are forces which bend the laws of time and nature to give us something we need or even something we later discover we needed to progress. It's not a coincidence that sometimes when we are down and broken, that very moment of real pain something happens. Something completely normal but in a way with a very peculiar power of changing your mood or a "bad luck" situation. Carl Yung came up with the theory of "Synchronicity", which is the closest any man of science has come to the theory of Angels which is attributed to the exact opposite world, the one of religion. 

     Angels exist in my opinion. And sometimes they take the human form. Cause some times we are so blind to see the facts unraveled before us, so someone has to take us by the hand and reveal them to us. We might not believe a dog or a gasp of wind. But we will surely listen and (maybe) believe the words of a fellow man. I believe that there were certain times in my life that some people appeared in front of me just to show me the way. Or prevent me from taking the wrong way. Strangely in retrospect I get to admit that those meetings with "my" angels had something magical. Cause they are crystal clear in my memory. We all have the impression of angels as winged full of light creatures, dressed in white and carrying a halo. Well I tell you that angels don't always were white. They can be a woman in rugs you meet on the street, a receptionist you never talked before, who tells you "don't change" just exactly the moment you are about to make a big mistake or a friend you met over the internet, who supports you in any way and you can't understand how can such caring is possible. Did this ever happen to you before. To hear wise words from a person who never was "intellectual" or hear comforting words and affection suddenly from a person who always was "cold" towards you. Sometimes those words and those action are being put there by Angels or God.  

     In my religion angels are winged creatures, who dwell in heaven. They are sometimes in the disposal of God, to help "us" people bellow. What if we all have a guardian  angel over our shoulder. What if there is an angel who takes different forms and helps us become what we are supposed to become. In my religion also there is a tradition which says that everyone takes the graces and the protection of the saint he has taken his name from. Something like a protection which comes from the name. Maybe that is an embodiment of an angel form.The entity of angels is also present in many other religions. And maybe that's a reason on it's own that proves their existence. 
    To conclude. Whether angels exist or not, is only a matter of personal opinion. Whether they have an impact in our everyday life is also a matter of opinion, faith and observation. Surely it's not a matter of debate. Angels will always appear and help both those who believe and those who don't. It's only that it is a beautiful feeling to recognize your angels, attribute them their offerings, thank them and listen to what they have to say (most of the times they speak with actions and not words though). Those angels are such a great company, cause they are happy when you smile and are trying to help you become happy when you're not..Just look around you. Maybe you see an angel who has hanged his wings and halo on the hanger!!!!

REAL life, REAL problems

     I borrow the words a good friend told me once. "Wake up. This is REAL life with REAL problems". This exact phrase is ringing in my mind for months now. It has been tranformed in my mind many times too. Sometimes the phrase itself calls me to abandon my dreamworld and use whatever power I have left to make something useful, to live the rest of my life. Proabably that was the intention of the person who told me this. Not to waste a life, into inactive dreams who (it's true) incapasitate all the strength and the power of someone's character. But on the other side there is another voice says "What if the people with the REAL problems don't even know that there is another life beyond the visible?. What if they are also stuck in a dream (the so-called American dream), which they have baptized REAL life?".My problem was (and still is) that I always saw life like a fairy-tale. Maybe fairy-tales are supposed to have a happy ending, but they also have a higher meaning hidden behind the stories and the words. My fairy-tale was not, and probably will never be such. Yet in every fairy-tale there always is a "happily ever after". I blame REAL people only for one thing. They don't care about the happily ever after. They only care for the "happily today". In parrarel with fairy-tales, when the "happily ever after" occurs all the characters are finally "happy" (except the bad guy of course). In REAL life's "happily today", only one individual is happy. And since life itself does have a sarcastic, twisted and poetic kind of justice, the happy individual finds out that living for yourself will only lead you to living by-yourself (usually surrounded by friend-liches and a blown out of proportions bank account). Of course the poetic injustice also strikes the dreamers. Living your life with a high ideal (be it in personal or any other level) is a lonely road. Sometimes a dead end road. A rocky mountainous windy road where the peak is always hidden in the clouds. I'd say that this is the cost for having high hopes and ideals. But it might be not much of a curse in the end. Cause if finally you reach that peak (being the fullfilment of those ideals one way or another) you will understand that it was worth the pain and effort. Someone who completes his path to the heaven of dreams is no better than any other. He is just the one who held tight to his beliefs. The one who wielded a sword and ran into the heat of the battle, while others stood on high hill with their bows never really used. It's he who lasted longer.


     The thing is that I always refused to see life as REAL. It's kind of strange to explain. It's all about dreaming. I used to grow up and see children around me saying "I dream to become this when I get old". Scientists,singers,actors,soccer stars...Children have such an imagination when it comes to dreaming. But like Pink Floyd said in one of their songs, "The child has grown, the dream is gone". That's what real life does. It gets our dreams "gone". Sometimes wipes them entirely from our minds. Sometimes keeps them hidden in a dusty attic up in our minds. While we grow up, we have to embrace reality. Meaning we have to compromise with everyone and everything. We have to train hard to become professionals usually in a field where later we get to hate, and just keep doing it conventionally for the sake of money. Even if it is not (only) for money in the end we keep on doing it, forever and ever.

     I had to lose my job, to understand that we live a life praising only a material thing called "money". Money brings comfort and safety. Money makes the world go round. But it puts our life into a halt. It puts our minds,our free thinking and will into a halt. Not even a halt. It puts us running in the rat race, running endlessly like guiny pigs inside a cage over and over again the same wheel. With no beginning or end. No reassess. No time to catch a breath. And then I had to live for some months in poverty, with no job and future so that I could finally understand that there is more to life than money. I had to compromise with everything only to see that the mind of a person who does not live in this God forsaken so-called REAL life, does not compromise. That mind is alive and active, and sometimes it takes all the humiliation and the pain of the word to effectively activate it. I've learned that when your mind does not compromise it is always wounded. And like in human body when we are wounded the whole body is in full alert. It was and still is difficult. Cause living like this surely takes away you every strength, no matter how strong you might be. Many different "bad" ideas settle in your mind when you have to live on the edge of the REAL world. And loneliness (both mental and physical) is a very heavy burden to bare.


     I also had to lose something else. I had to find love. True love. And I was sure that even if I could never get any other dream come true, I would at least get the chance to make the dream of a real healthy and full of loving relationship come true. In REAL life, it ended even before it had started. In my "dream" life it is still alive. It lives. It is like said an open wound. It still fights for the very same ideal. Love does fight indeed, every other single thought and feeling. It defends what it believes. It refuses to surrender, it refuses to compromise, it refuses to bargain with anyone and for anything. And TRUE love is a dream on it's own. It's not a coincidence that so many movies,songs and books have been written in the name of love. And I do believe that in many of such cases it was not even TRUE love but only a passing passion (which is of course strong indeed).


     What is REAL life then? Life is as REAL as we want it to be. After all we all see it differently. I have chosen the road of belief and the road of dreaming high. Wrong or right it doesn't matter. Although it does hurt like hell, I feel comfortable in it. To end I will only borrow lyrics of another song from Aerosmith called "Dream On"........
     - "Sing with me, sing for the year. Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear. DREAM ON.DREAM ON. Dream until your dream comes true".

Love is...................

Love Is............. (Part 1)










     - To stay awake all night, just to see her sleeping, listen to her breathing, feel her dreaming.
     - To have a great time with your buddies watching soccer and still can't wait to return home and see her face.
     - To look deeply in her eyes and see the reflection of yourself.
     - To see her kissing another man and still smile cause you know that she is happy.
     - To cut a hard grown rose from a garden just to put it in her hair.
     - To spend each night stargazing, hoping for a shooting star just to wish that she was there.
     - To be ready to kill for her, and even more ready to die for her.
     - To be a little (just a little) jealous when she hangs out with her friends or next to other guys.
     - To see her beautiful even when she is fresh awaken.
     - To cook her favorite food when she returns exhausted from work.
     - To lie on a beach with her counting the stars.
     - To cry every time she is sad, and smile every time she is happy.
     - To drive 800 klm just to leave presents outside her door.
     - To watch boring romantic movies with her only because she likes them.
     - To listen to her heart even when she tries to hide it.
     - To count every second,every minute,every hour every day that passes until the time you meet her again.
     - To close your eyes when she is far, only because you can see her in your mind.
     - To miss her just after she has closed the door behind her.
     - To see her face in every woman, to hear her voice in every crowd, to smell her perfume in the air.
     - To send her messages even when she never replies back.
     - To try and make her laugh even when you are crying inside.
     - To use duct tape and staples to repair your broken heart, so that you can keep on loving her


TO BE CONTINUED..................

A walk in the park..

    A walk in the park. Sometimes it's all we have to escape from reality. I guess every city in this world has a park. Big or small, green or not there must be a central park in every city. Why? I don't know why. What I do know is that a walk in the park is the best way to find what things are really worthy finding in life. Why don't you take a stroll with me.












What is possible to meet while walking in a park?

1) Nature. Parks are usually full of trees and flowers and plants in general. A park can't be called a park without some kind of flora in it. There are parks in the world entirely covered by beautiful and rare plants. And others with just a small part of them. But surely there is nature in every park.

2) Water. Maybe it does not happen in every park but water is an element that beautifies central parks. Fountains,lakes,ponds,rivers or any other kind of water is generously located in many if not all parks.

3) Animals. From squirrels to leased dogs taken out for a walk by their "bosses", parks are alive due to the presence of animals. Bugs, rodents,duck, birds, dogs, cats, domestic or not animals are not an exception in parks along the world.

4) Workers. It's not unusual to find people working in a park. The working class is always working hard. Either they are the caretakers of the park or repairmen the hard working class is not missing from parks.

4) Couples. The parks are an exceptional place for dates. Be it a romantic stroll by the lake or a passionate kiss on a bench, parks are overwhelmed by couples and love. A place where pure love does thrive indeed.

5) Senile people. The third age is a dominant resident of parks. Old people find parks a great place to hang out. There they can find their friends and chat, walk without being rushed or pussed around. It is the place where the can find the tranquility they seek.

6) Bookworms. There you can find students studying lying on the grass or simple readers reading their favorite books in the comfort and the serenity of a bench. Or people reading today's news with their newspapers. Tomorrow's scientists or yesterday's news all meet in the park every day.

7) Children. You will see children playing everywhere in a park. Children are life, the future, the young spirit which moves endlessly. And a park is just the place for that spirit to thrive, to create fantasy worlds or just simply have fun.

8) Artists. Street bands, musicians, painters,dancers. They all benefit in inspiration from a walk or a short stay in the park. For some the park is their stage, and the residents of it are theirs loyal fans. Even in the cases where the fans will have forgotten them, those artists have performed their initial task of forming their inner world out in the open.

9) Amateur athletes. It's most common for some people to start their day training in the local park. Jogging is a great way to begin a healthy day. And we surely see many of this persons in their track suits and earbuds running around in the area of the park. A healthy mind needs to inhabit a healthy body.

10) Monuments. Statues,arcs, landmarks. They all have a special place in parks. Because they are all memories from the past. And parks are places where memories are supposed to be remembered, re-lived and stay intact along the course of time.










What you won't find in a park


1) Imperialistic capitalism. There is no chance at all to see a luxurious "Mercedes" strolling around a park. Nor a wealthy man in his tux cutting through the pathways of park. Wealthy men don't even drive, they are being driven. Let aside in a park. In general, people with a lot of money don't go to parks. They don't need them, even sometimes don't know that parks exist. 


2) Sloth. There is not even a single dull moment in a park. People spending time there are relaxing but not overdoing it. There is no TV or computers screens. And strangely in parks even nowadays, the use of cell phones it surprisingly limited. Spending time in a park is quality time and can't by no means be compared with the "lost" hours spend in front of flickering screens back home.


3) Lust. Parks are a safe haven for love. But lust is being kept away from them. Where nowadays people express their "sexuality" almost in every place they can find, parks are still relatively pure from any form of "sexual" activities. 


4) Anger. No one gets mad, no one gets angry, no ones shouts loud inside a park. Serenity and tranquility are words made for the vicinity of parks, and anger has no place at all in there. 


5) Greed. Being a place where money are only useful to buy a refreshment, parks are also a place where greed and greedy people are afraid to come close to a park. And even when they do, they silently walk buy cause they are really trespassers. After all, no company ever settled to an expensive agreement inside a park. That's why hotels and expensive restaurants are for. 


8) Celebrities. Rock stars, Tv idols and all the famous kind of people never spend time in a park. They spend time by the pool of the hotel or their expensive mansions but never in a park. So do their snob ways of living and judging the others. In any given park, everybody is equal and everybody is treated equally.

    Having read all those things about the "residents" of a park I wonder. If we could use our imagination for a while, isn't life in a park the ideal way of leading a life in the real world? Just add all the values that are described above and put them in your life. Wouldn't that be a very relaxing, beautiful and interesting life? Furthermore take away from your personal life the "bad" things that thankfully don't dwell in a park as described above. Wouldn't that make our lives even more joyful? To me a park is a virtual place where all the good values you can find in life are living altogether. Watching a park in motion is how I would like to see my life in motion. 

Was it worth??

I asked God once.... - "Why did I have to fall in love?"

- "Cause you had to learn some things about yourself", He replied.

- "Is all the suffering, the torture, the sleepless nights, the lakes of tears, the pain worth of the things I've learned?", I replied.

God stayed silent until today. Either cause it was not worth or because the answer lies in the future.......Whichever the answer is, it always passes through a haunted forest filled with more pain!!!

"I have always been blind"

     It would seem a sunny day for most. But for him it had always been cloudy. As for his state of mind, cloudy would only be a mild description. He took a stroll downtown. It was a special day today but he was not in the mood for special treatment. No one was there for him anyway. He tried to treat this day just like every other of the 365 days of the year. As always, passers-by were indifferent to him. The exotic bright colors in the clothes of the people passing around him were only a shade of grey for his eyes. His disappointment was a veil concealing almost every bright color of the world outside his own. This event never discouraged him though. Used to the sound of his own thoughts that ringed in his mind endlessly, he reached the yellow colored ,due to the autumn leaves, central park of the city. He took a sit on the nearest bench, and stared at the horizon , just like he had been doing for years. Nothing new, nothing promising but always beautiful and breathtaking was the sky. An old lady approached him and sat by him on the bench. She was way too old to walk alone in the park. She was way too old to do anything at all in fact. He did not care. He would continue his admiration for another 5 minutes and then return home. The old lady was in the mood for talking. Old folks never spent their time talking about nonsense. So she would surely say something meaningful. But in this case it was him, who wasn't in the mood for talking. The old lady was determined though. He could not avoid it in the end, and it would be impolite even for him to leave her hanging. The old lady spoke first of course. Her voice was more than reassuring and steady than her age would require. She said with a voice which was sweeter than what her appearance would reveal.


     - "I have a secret to tell you".


     - "I don't even know you. You are an old rugged lady. Probably homeless and hungry. And you approached me to tell me you have a secret for me? You do know I presume, that in this point I should call you crazy. If you want any money just ask. Maybe I could spare some for you. I have done it the past with people less worthy after all", he replied being more sarcastic than he usually was.


     - "Ohh, how many times they have called me crazy. You have no idea", she said confidently again.


     - "I am sure about that. But do I know you? How can I let you reveal to me that secret if I you are a complete stranger to me", he replied with a questioning tone in his voice.


     - "You don't know me. But I know you. In fact you've called my name many times. You shouted at me. You have cursed me many times. You have said many bad things to me and for me. You just don't know my name".

     - "I only know you for less than five minutes. How is it possible that I have done all those things you describe?. I do not even know your name.", he replied with a big question mark floating overhead.


     - "You see people call me with many different names. LIFE,GOD,ANGEL,FATE,FORTUNE,LUCK. There are many more and in hundreds of different languages. The thing is that I don't usually show myself cause no body believes me. But I know you do. Like I said I have a secret for you. It's not a happy one. And this is the reason I will grand you the answers to any three questions you ask me"


     - "So you say,that you are the embodiment of life, you are going to answer any question I want as long as I don't go over the number 3, and in the end you will reveal to me a secret which is sad?"


     - "Yes, that's what I said". she replied, and her voice sounded much younger than an old woman's voice.


     - "I am sure you understand that it really is hard for me to believe. But since you are crazy enough to say it, then I am crazier to listen to your sayings. I might stand up and leave afterwards, but I give you the benefit of the doubt. So let's start from the bad news. What is it?", he said.


     - " Ok. I was never good in lengthy speeches. So here you go. Today you stand exactly in the middle of your lifetime. It's your 24th birthday today so I don't have to do the math for you.", said the old woman.


     - "You call this bad news? I am happy you mentioned it. You would do me a great favor if you told me that my life span was less than another lousy 24 years", he answered. This time his confidence had vanished. He could refrain from showing it but his voice was a mixture of secret disappointment and refreshed relief.


     - " Believe me I know more that you attribute me, and I know how you feel inside. But time is not a luxury of mine, so now is the time for you to ask me any question you want. I will give you the answers you seek", said the woman and her voice became even sweeter, but her way of speaking sharper than a razor blade.


     - " Yeah. I agree. Let's get over with it. It has become very spooky here. So I have three questions. I'll be quick. Why did I have to suffer for a whole lifetime?"


    - " Suffer?? Do you think that's how suffering is?",she said sarcastically and continued. " You've been calling it suffering, so I won't disagree with you. Well, you have been "suffering" because you had to learn from your mistakes".

   - " MISTAKES?? I've always acted by the book. I've always been kind to the people around me. I treated them with dignity,love and understanding. I gave them from my bread when I was starving. I gave my blood, my sweat, my heart and my soul for others. And what did I get in return?? Nothing. They one day turned and walked away from me like I was their enemy. Without a single goodbye. I've been alone for many years. Unloved by everyone. Talking only with myself. What were my mistakes??", he answered furious with rage.


     - " You forgot yourself. You left him drowning when you could swim your way to the shore. Maybe there where not many helping hands, but you did not need them after all. You were strong. Your feelings where like quick sand. The more you let them rule your the more you got submerged to them.", said the lady.


     - " But they didn't go to waste. I put a little piece of my feelings,my heart and my soul in thousands of envelopes and mailed them to different people. I helped them. I gave them a shoulder to lean on. But no one gave anything to me. Not even the paper envelopes I had send." he said with his disappointment painted on his face.


     - " What did you expect? Humans are so used to being treated like garbage, so when they see someone caring about them, they are afraid that it might be a trick or a scam scheme." the lady answered reassuringly.


     - " What's the point of holding on to life?. If we have to suffer just to find true happiness. If what we find in the end can be called true happiness. We call it this way, cause we want to believe it was worth while in the end. But it is not. You have to find something colossal. Something that will make you hugely happy. Only then can you say that the whole pain was worth. Do you see anything that big? Do you see anything that significant around? No..It's all a lie. We live among lies. We create lies. And we love lies in the end. We feed from lies. And they feed from our support to lies. So please stop trying to convince me that pain was a way to free me from myself. You can't free something that is already free. You can't enslave what is already confined inside a cage. I've made mistakes. I've long ago forsaken myself. So what? Isn't it the noblest of deeds to sacrifice yourself  "pro bono". For a greater cause. Even for another person. Everybody says know yourself. Love yourself. And they forget to love those who stand by them".


      He had turned red, from all the struggle to hold on to being civilized. He suddenly felt the urge to break anything he would find before him. The old lady made a move to stand up, but she way too old to do it with ease. He saw that and he didn't care. That lady had infuriated him, but in a very peculiar way she had managed to strip him off any restrain. He had uttered things that he had never said to anyone else. Those words had been burning him from the inside all this years. And all this burning had taken its' toll in his whole existence. Yet this fire did not burn him to his embers. The fire had been searing every new wound. The pain of searing is even greater than the pain inflicted by the wound itself. But in the end it leaves the wound clearer. The searing had cleansed his every wound. It made the skin impenetrable. It left the soul purified. Still the scars from every wound were visible. But they were reminders of the former pain. They were the signs that pain had come, and gone and that fighting with pain was successful. They were signs that he could turn pain into memories, and then move on to greater pain, so that he could turn it into more memories. A circle. An eternal circle of struggle and sacrifice.
     For a moment all these thoughts became images in his mind. He had a flashback created by all these images. And in that flashback he could also dig out some beautiful happy moments he had forgotten by time. An unintentional disarming smile was shaped on his face. Memories worked as a painkiller. A reliever from the dark thoughts. This old lady played a game all along. She had it all planned in her mind. She knew what would happen beforehand and all she had to do was lay the cards on the deck in the right order. He chose the right cards in the end just like the old lady had known he would. Back in reality though, the old lady still had trouble standing up from that bench. His anger, his fury, his urge for vengeance had all vanished along with the bad memories. And for the first time for long he could now find unoccupied space in his heart to fill with brighter thoughts. He extended his arm touched the wrinkled weak hand of the old lady and helped her stand up. She turned her head slightly and stared deep in his eyes. It was the first time he had noticed the ladies eyes. Those brown eyes were staring at him with such an "out of this world look". She smiled warmly. And finally spoke back, like she already knew his thoughts.


- "I knew it. I knew you would understand it finally. I wasn't wrong choosing you. You are what I believed you were."


- "What, what do you mean?" he answered troubled by her words.

- " Even when you were mad at me, you finally helped me stand up. This is you. You can't pretend you can change. You can't even pretend to be someone else. So stay exactly what you are. You asked about suffering. You asked me why did you have to suffer. Until now you thought of suffering as something morbid. Tell me. Do you see what you have done with your pain and suffering? You were suffering and that revealed to you what real pain is. You could discriminate the pain in the lives of others. That's why you helped them all. Cause deep inside you, you wanted them to be what you would never be. Happy. Happier at least. You transformed your pain into something colorful. Into something good. You were holding ashes in your hands and you managed to turn them into bright wonderfully scented flowers. Flowers which you offered without asking back anything. Flowers which gave color to the lives of others. If you got back the return you were seeking you would had been drunk by the wine of fulfillment.You see, if you had a normal happy life none of these would have happened. You would never know that pain exist and is real.You asked me why did you have to suffer for a lifetime. You found the answer yourself. From the questioning look in your face I presume not only that you know the answer deep inside you but also that you already feel happy for your choices and the way you were obliged to live your whole life. I can see now that if I offered you the chance to change your life, you would not accept it."


- "You are right. I don't think I want to change anymore. My past 24 years forged me into what I really am. Even the slightest change in this and I would probably be someone totally different. I hate to admit it but you definitely are right. No need to say anything else. I finally see what you've been trying to show me for a lifetime.I am glad that all these happened. And I am obliged to you for helping me see all that. So I guess that now that I am finding myself with more will to live you will reveal to my that the fact that I am not exactly halfway in my life. I guess you will tell me it was only a trick to sting my interest", he answered with held-back confidence.


- " I never lie. Whatever I told you is true. I could change that. But today, here in that autumn themed empty park, you discovered one of my greatest secrets. Don't you think you have to pay for what you've learned? Knowing about the future is harder than living the present. This will not let you stray away from what you are. I did not tell you the secret to make you feel blue. I revealed that secret to you so that you will value every single second of the life that is left for you. Believe me, 24 years are is long time to live and thrive. Take advantage of them all", said the old lady who had slowly been walking away from the scene.


     He did not even notice that she had already been away from his side. He was already making plans for the future. He had to catch up with the time he lost all these years. He had to catch up with a life he had left rusting in his attic. He finally noticed that the old lady was walking slowly towards the pathway which would take her outside the park. But something was wrong. She had been walking straight to a low railing on the other side in which the bench they had been sitting on was located. She walked slowly but in a split second she stumbled upon the knee-high railing and fell down with all her weight. He was paralyzed from the strange scene. Such a powerful entity could not even navigate in our real world. He ran towards her and helped that fragile body stand up.


- "Are you all right? Didn't you notice that railing on the ground?", he said but even before he finished his words she stared again deep in his eyes.


- " Don't tell me you did not realize that I am blind?", she said while staring him even deeper. He felt a chill running up his spine. All the pieces of the puzzle were now to their right position. That explained why her eyes had such a very odd but mesmerizing look.


- "I have always been blind" she continued. - "That's why I can judge all of you. Cause I don't see you, but I can sense you"..




    

Οι παλίες αγάπες πάνε στον παράδεισο (Loves that grow old always go to heaven)!!

     Throughout music history there surely have been created some diamonds. Some songs are simply too great, too magical. There are some songs that are accepted by everyone no matter which style or audience they are targeting. There are cases where songs are being universally accepted. And this only happens because there surely are songs which are speak straight to the heart. No need for words, no need for explanation. It's pure, raw magical essence. Of course it always comes to the subjective idea of the listener. But let's admit that it works at least for the bigger percentage of the universal audience. The reason for this whole passage is because today I decided to write something different from my usual stuff. I decided to translate a song here in this very blog. A case like the above is the song I want to translate. It is a Greek song. A Greek love song to be exact. But not like the ones we are used to. It's about pain, desertion. It really is about the true faces of love. The two faces of love. The two sides of the same coin. I can't explain with words what this song means. And obviously the translation will be a bit "stiff" cause it would be impossible to capture the magic and all the real meanings of the Greek language and tradition and translate them completely into English without losing some of the magic. But I will try to do my best, cause in my opinion this is the best Greek song ever written and one of the best love songs ever written on this planet... Enjoy..




Οι παλιές αγάπες πάνε στον παράδεισο (Loves that grow old go to Paradise)



Άγονη πλήξη μιας ζωής, δίχως έρωτα
της ερημιάς μου τέρας,
της πόλης μου θηρίο
μη με φοβάσαι
αλλοπαρμένη έκφραση
οι τοίχοι σου θυμίζουν
τον πρώτο σου έρωτα
οι πιο πολλοι αδιάφορα κενοί,σε λυγίζουν όπου και να 'σαι
στα σκοτεινά δρομάκια
οι σκιές γλιστράνε επικίνδυνα
Στα ηλεκτρισμένα ξενυχτάδικα
οι γυναίκες μισοκρύβονται 

πίσω απ' τη λήθη
Στα κολασμένα παζάρια της λεωφόρου
οι αστυνόμοι οι πλούσιοι επαρχιώτες μηχανόβιοι
μάσκες ακάλυπτες μικρές
στο γύρο του θανάτου 

που τρεμοπαίζουν τον άγγελο ή τον δαίμονα
στις άκρες των δακτύλων τους,
ξημέρωμα Σαββάτου

Για τις παλιές αγάπες μη μιλάς
στα πιο μεγάλα θέλω κάνουν πίσω
δεν άντεξαν μαζί
και χάθηκαν μακριά
κρύφτηκαν στις σπηλιές χαμένων παραδείσων

Ό,τι αξίζει πονάει, κι είναι δύσκολο
για να μην υποφέρεις
φύγε μακριά μου,
κρύψου από μένα
δεν ξέρω αν φεύγεις, τώρα,
για το λίγο μου
ή αν αυτό που νιώθω ήταν πολύ
πολύ για σένα, πολύ για σένα

Για τις παλιές αγάπες μη μιλάς
στα πιο μεγάλα θέλω κάνουν πίσω 

δεν άντεξαν μαζί
και χάθηκαν μακριά
κρύφτηκαν στις σπηλιές χαμένων παραδείσων

Ό,τι αξίζει πονάει, κι είναι δύσκολο 

Infertile boredom of a life without love

The monster of my solitude

The beast of my lonely town

Don't be afraid of me!

With a strange expression

The empty walls remind you

Of your first love

Where most of them indifferent and empty

They finally break you wherever you are

In dark alleys

Shadows slip dangerously

In neon lit bars

Women hide in shame

Behind the veil of oblivion

In the hell bargains of the highway

Policemen and bikers

Little uncovered masks

Run around the circle of death

Playing angel and devil

On their fingertips

Saturday night's sunrise

Don't talk about loves that grew old

They back down to the greatest "wants"

They couldn't stand being together

And so they separated far

Hiding into caves of lost heavens

Whatever is really worth it hurts and it's difficult

If you don't want to suffer

Go away

Hide from me

I don't know if you're leaving now

For what was less

Or what I feel for you

Was way too much for you, 

way too much for you

Don't talk about loves that grew old

They back down to the greatest "wants"

They couldn't stand being together

And so they separated far

Hiding into caves of lost heavens

Whatever is really worth it hurts and it's difficult

The Death Of A Rose

I never thought that I would find.
Something so beautiful like you.
So unexpected. So out of nowhere
And yet so wonderful and true.
I thought you chose me. I was so wrong.
Destiny did. If only I knew
I found it all. And lost it all
Just when I layed my eyes on you.
I wrapped my trembling hands around you
To keep you warm. To keep you near
I used my fingertips to touch you.
To chase away your every fear.
You had a blood red color back then
I sat for countless hours beside
Staring your beauty. Killing my madness
Flooded with feelings I can't hide
I used my time, my energy, my love,
To give you everything you need
I burnt the bridges with my past
I wish I knew where it would lead
You weren't there,always so absent
I knew your smile was not to last
My heart was pounding,giving signals
I watched you grow,you grew so fast
One day my hands reached out to touch you
I would had satisfied your every need
You did not need me , you had everything
Your thorns had grown, they made me bleed.
I did not quit you, never left you
I had nobody, I was alone
My bleeding hands reached out to touch you.
I wanted you to feel like home.
Your thorns grew bigger,the wounds so deep

You were about to make a leap
I left you unprotected,I left you aloneHidden in shadows from the past

But in the end I was so frightened
For I had known it would not last

You had to hate me,lose your sense
The pain grew deep but never blamed you.
Cause it was only your defense.
The time has passed,memories remain
But they come back to haunt me
Just like the cold November rain
I had to witness your dying moments.
I watched you die day by day
You needed me, as much as I did.
When I came close, you moved away
Your body is weak,your thorns still not.
I want to touch you,hold you, hug you.
To reconcile for every thought.


I must be strong and stay away.
To drown the words I need to say.


I watch you wither every day.
Your brightness fades. Your color too.
Your blood red petals turned to gray.
They hit the ground falling from you
I see you cry. I see you die.

I see you fight just to survive.
Don't desert me now my bleeding rose.
I missed you so, I missed a lot.
Don't die.....Cause you are the only one I got
[The death of a Rose]

Feather

     I want to become a feather. To be drifted away. To be carried by the wind. To move to distant places and see different worlds. To glide into the sky or dive back to earth. To move endlessly. Never to stop. Or to be stuck in a place until a strong wind blows. Stronger than before. To take me even further down the road. To land on the sea, on a mountain, on a river, on the desert. Or never land at all. To fly forever and ever ever. To be attached with wax to Icarus, the world's first dreamer.


     I want to become a feather. Free like the birds that it comes from. Gentle in touch, like the hands of a lover touching his girls hands. Or even become a gift from that lover. To be caught in mid air and become a beautiful love gift. To be worn with pride on an Indian's helm.To be worn as an accessory or ornament, to show the world my beautifully shaped colors. To be light. Lighter than almost anything that flies. To move elegantly, to be admired. To be used as a pen so when people stick me into ink will be able to write. To write books,stories,love letters.


    I want to become a feather. A feather from the wings of an eagle to fly high above the clouds. A feather from the beautiful white swan, to be whiter than snow. A feather from the watchful owl, to stand guard each and every night and gaze at the world through the night scope. A feather from the melodic nightingale, to listen to the mesmerizing song every morning,day and night. A feather from the majestic albatross to travel over oceans and seas. A feather from the colorful peacock where my colors will reflect the whole rainbow. A feather from the parrot to listen,learn and reproduce the wisdom of humans.